roars. sometimes it likes im so filled with good intentions and then the world just comes crashing down when i realise that things just dont work the way i want it to sometimes, and its just so discouraging i guess... dunno la was like on such a high last week and yet yet yet this week i just feel so lost and bereft somehow.
listening to life is wonderful now by jason mraz and its so fitting my mood now. he sings "life is wonderful, it so so meaningful" in such a sad way, and i guess tts what im feeling! that life is wonderful, i have been given so much and most of all my salvation and everything and yet just not feeling it. dunno la i guess i have some stuff i need to work out and again its like stuff i cant tell anyone but i guess God works in all of us right! He shows us He loves us and then He lovingly shows us where we have erred and pulls us in the right path and i am so so thankful that i have Him guiding my way because when i am lost and dont know where to go, at least i will always know that God is in control always and forever, and tt is a really comforting thought. and also when His discipline is tempered with love, like when a mother tells her child not to play with a toy but then kisses the child to comfort her when she cries over the loss of her toy, God pulls us away from the things we want that are bad for us but at the same time shows us how much He cares and loves us anyway
i just wish i had more faith
anyway, i feel really bad now for something and i really dunno y i did it. i dont like the person i seem to be and yet it just happens and recently, its been happening alot and i dunno y!! really really i dun. crap man and i feel so bad that im hurting someone else but i tend to do tt alot, its like im some evil person tt hurts pple the closer they get to me. yyyyyyyy. crap.
on the bright side, went for dinner today with debs jac and zareen to celebrate debbies birthday... was really nice talking with them and laughing and somehow we all speak like bimbos when we meet haha. very nonsense. i wonder when the time will come when all 6 of us can meet up again and hang out and laugh at ivana and each other and remember the times when we were young and stupiddddddd. haha. good times good times eh!
and. there is something, and maybe there isnt, i just feel so comfortable being with someone and yet i really dunno how i feel or what im thinking its like just wierd. dunno la haha dun care oso
now, just mugmugmugggggg. or try to. and not sleep! which i have been doing alot instead! darn. but been mugging a little bit more towards the end of the week i guess... nxt week must chiongliao!!! sighz. i wish i was smarter haha but i guess God made me notsosmart so i dun get proud or complacent so im happy with whatever brains He has given me cos He knows me best!
if i didnt have You i would be so lost and yet sometimes i think my heart would not ache so much. i love You i say and yet i dont act it, how true is such a love? i would not blame You for casting me away from Your side but yet You dont and i know its wrong, but somtimes i wish You would. You will not despise a broken and contrite heart, but God, what if i do?
listening to life is wonderful now by jason mraz and its so fitting my mood now. he sings "life is wonderful, it so so meaningful" in such a sad way, and i guess tts what im feeling! that life is wonderful, i have been given so much and most of all my salvation and everything and yet just not feeling it. dunno la i guess i have some stuff i need to work out and again its like stuff i cant tell anyone but i guess God works in all of us right! He shows us He loves us and then He lovingly shows us where we have erred and pulls us in the right path and i am so so thankful that i have Him guiding my way because when i am lost and dont know where to go, at least i will always know that God is in control always and forever, and tt is a really comforting thought. and also when His discipline is tempered with love, like when a mother tells her child not to play with a toy but then kisses the child to comfort her when she cries over the loss of her toy, God pulls us away from the things we want that are bad for us but at the same time shows us how much He cares and loves us anyway
i just wish i had more faith
anyway, i feel really bad now for something and i really dunno y i did it. i dont like the person i seem to be and yet it just happens and recently, its been happening alot and i dunno y!! really really i dun. crap man and i feel so bad that im hurting someone else but i tend to do tt alot, its like im some evil person tt hurts pple the closer they get to me. yyyyyyyy. crap.
on the bright side, went for dinner today with debs jac and zareen to celebrate debbies birthday... was really nice talking with them and laughing and somehow we all speak like bimbos when we meet haha. very nonsense. i wonder when the time will come when all 6 of us can meet up again and hang out and laugh at ivana and each other and remember the times when we were young and stupiddddddd. haha. good times good times eh!
and. there is something, and maybe there isnt, i just feel so comfortable being with someone and yet i really dunno how i feel or what im thinking its like just wierd. dunno la haha dun care oso
now, just mugmugmugggggg. or try to. and not sleep! which i have been doing alot instead! darn. but been mugging a little bit more towards the end of the week i guess... nxt week must chiongliao!!! sighz. i wish i was smarter haha but i guess God made me notsosmart so i dun get proud or complacent so im happy with whatever brains He has given me cos He knows me best!
if i didnt have You i would be so lost and yet sometimes i think my heart would not ache so much. i love You i say and yet i dont act it, how true is such a love? i would not blame You for casting me away from Your side but yet You dont and i know its wrong, but somtimes i wish You would. You will not despise a broken and contrite heart, but God, what if i do?
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